Who's the opposite of the inner critic? The inner egomaniac. Locked in an eternal tug-of-war with you in the middle, the critic tries to tear you apart, while the egomaniac tries to shamelessly patch itself up. I can barely look in the mirror when I think of all the times in my life when I … Continue reading Damage control, saving face, and the little egomaniac.
Guilt. Ineptitude. Stupidity. Immorality. Shame. Imposture. These aren’t really all that different when you think about it, right? Just the variety of tactics that the one and the same inner critic uses to help us destroy ourselves. Scratch that: “critic” is too nice of a word. “Monster” or “demon” is more like it. Who knows … Continue reading As P!nk aptly put it… Don’t let me get me
Loyalty + Low Self Esteem = Low Wage Job. The equation that explains my whole life.
To the depressed out there, do you have a trigger flush that sends you swirling down the toilet along with all your shitty thoughts? And when you're swirling around, do you mistake the shit for yourself? I don't know about you, but I really don't want to do that anymore. And if you don't want … Continue reading How to unwaste wasted time?
T.S. Eliot wrote that “April is the cruellest month, breeding / Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing / Memory and desire, stirring / Dull roots with spring rain.” I would submit that spring is the cruelest season. But it doesn't need to be. Farmers plow their fields each spring, while we the depressed plow … Continue reading Plowing depression, planting gratitude.
I received the love of my life in fifth grade: a transistor radio. It was your standard little pocket Sony. I've worn out many radios since then. Maybe “worn out” isn’t the right phrase. Maybe “snapped off the antenna and can’t tune anything in now” is better. I don't know how many people still listen … Continue reading Is there anybody out there? transistor radios and invisible neighborhoods.
I made the mistake of reading advice about writing, about embarrassing pitfalls and newbie blunders, and worst of all, about who has talent and who doesn’t. I now have an enormous writer’s boulder and can’t even bear to write my name, let alone stomach anything else my pen might sully. First, buyer beware. All I … Continue reading Advice regarding writer’s block from a writer’s blockhead.
I'm one of the last three people on earth who hasn't written a post about the Corona quarantine. I'm not sure there's even anything left to be said—though perhaps what’s left is what we’ve left undone. Like many others, I received an impromptu vacation from my job in the middle of March. I admit I … Continue reading Coronanalysis.
Do DNA tests, imperfect as they are right now, help us take control of our health, but do they also make us feel out of control of ourselves? This little hypochondriac has unearthed a little nugget of gold. Some time ago, I bought the MyHeritage DNA test, mainly for the ethnicity report. (I don't really … Continue reading The hypochondriac’s rabbit hole: the DNA test
Happy Easter and Easter season to everyone. Some worthy quotes to ponder: "And behold, I am with you always, until the end of the age.” Matthew 28:20 "There are also many other things that Jesus did, but if these were to be described individually, I do not think the whole world would contain the books … Continue reading short Happy Easter message.
For a long time, I've been losing my memory. I can't pinpoint when exactly it started. I do remember that back in graduate school, around eight or nine years ago, it started getting difficult to comprehend things. I'm not sure of the specific reason why, either--there were a lot of factors, physical and mental. In … Continue reading In search of lost knowledge.
At the height of my recent health hysteria, I realized that I am no way, at all, whatsoever, prepared to deal with a bad outcome. I didn’t even want to pray for help, as though asking God for strength would somehow jinx things or give him the idea to put me through a final trial. … Continue reading hypochondria. part 2. existential dread, suffering, and God.
As a professional hypochondriac, I've come to two conclusions. First, how your problem becomes your identity. And second, how it forces you to look at life. I'll do this in two posts because they're different points. Firstly. This is what people don't understand about hypochondria. The problem is more complicated than just thinking you have … Continue reading hypochondria. part 1. what it is and how it is.
.....I will be just fine.
It's inevitable in the early life of a new blogger that it happens. The writer's block post, wherein the blogger laments having writer's block. And I shall not do any less. I've discovered that there's a parallel or a link between writer's block and a certain, oft-overlooked stage of therapy in which you haven't quite … Continue reading Obligatory writer’s block post and a related stage of talk therapy