My plan was simple. Record my dreams, increase recall, achieve lucid dreaming. Well, it has been a colossal failure. It worked in the sense that I remember my dreams. It’s just that they’re shitter than ever and all sorts of people I don’t like keep showing their faces and…. bothering me. Oh, I won’t even … Continue reading It was a mistake to even try.
Somewhere I mentioned my intention to learn lucid dreaming as a way to find peace in my aggravating, troubling dreams, to go into my mental office, as it were, to straighten up. A lucid dream, if you don’t know, is a dream in which you are actually conscious that you’re in a dream and are … Continue reading Tips to help you recall what your sweet dreams are made of.
I was sneaking around a moving neighbor's basement and made a poor attempt at a liminal space photo. This is me: it was early May, seventy degrees out, and I was wearing a winter scarf running down the sidewalk eating a slice of pizza while chasing a stray cat. I spent April cycling through the … Continue reading Odds and ends of the current life of a lazy mofo
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I have undergone the yearly job review ceremony, also known as a foregone conclusion. The vast majority of the review is the store’s total results, so everyone basically starts out with a failure. It’s not even worth getting upset about it. I might as well stick my tongue out at my boss's back, as I … Continue reading I used to make 6.6% above minimum wage, now I make 1.5%.
John 11:25: "Jesus said unto Martha, I am the resurrection, and the life: he that believeth in me, though he were dead, yet shall he live." Revelation 1:17-18: "Don’t be afraid! I am the First and Last. I am the living one. I died, but look–I am alive forever and ever!" God love y'all
I've noticed that on the back of toothbrush packages, it usually says that dentists recommend replacing your toothbrush every three months. I find that nasty. That's only four new toothbrushes a year. I feel like here's where sensible economic greed should enter the picture. Considering the nastiness of not replacing it at least once a … Continue reading Someone explain toothbrush replacement theory to me because I don’t understand economics.
Uh oh, I'm on time for work--what did I forget?--Did I brush my teeth? Check. Pants? Check. Well, then I guess I'm good to go. You silly--I was only pretending I forgot how to hold a knife and fork for a second. I need an excuse. I grasp for anything near at hand--yes, there's a … Continue reading I forgot what I was gonna call this but I think it was whatever.
.....I will be just fine. UPDATE: March 24, 2021: Happy One Year Anniversary I originally published this on March 24, 2020. No end of those two words in sight. I'm not exactly fine right now because I literally have covid as we speak. Oh well. But as true today as it was a year ago, … Continue reading If I never hear the words “social distancing” again…..
Sometimes when I’m getting ready for work, I delay going to the bathroom until I get there so I can do it on the clock and waste a couple of minutes before I go to the office. The other morning, I headed to the bathroom, whistling and thinking about ways to avoid my boss and … Continue reading 10% off if you strip in public and blame the store.
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I thought I’d write a writer’s block post like everyone else does when they have writer’s block. Why do I have a block? Because of the imaginary little man in my head who criticizes and humiliates me. Based on a true, pathetic story, a real TL;DR. If I ever get to meet God, the first … Continue reading In which I talk to myself about what’s wrong with me. (part 1 of 1,000,000)
The prompt caught my eye on Fandango's blog. Original prompt can be found at Jim Adam's Song Lyric Sunday. The word is "colors." When I saw the writing prompt word, a couple of songs popped into my head, "Blue and Yellow" (2002) by The Used and "Black is Black" (1966) by Los Bravos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5W_lQewmIwI I … Continue reading Blue, Yellow, and Black – Song Lyric Sunday prompt
You call me a bitch, Say I'm hysterical, Look like a witch, Being heretical. Stomp like a child, Screech, make no sense. Look at that girl--pretty, mild-- I'm wrapped too tight, way too tense. But I think it's pretty ironic, You're flailing your arms, Shrieking I'M histrionic. I discovered this prompt on the blog The … Continue reading Histrionics (writing prompt.)
At the store, we recently had a theft of nearly two thousand dollars from a drawer in which money is kept to distribute for change. My job is to prepare the money that goes into that drawer every day and count what’s left of it the next morning. Anyway, no one will say what happened. … Continue reading Uhh don’t follow the money.