I have undergone the yearly job review ceremony, also known as a foregone conclusion. The vast majority of the review is the store’s total results, so everyone basically starts out with a failure. It’s not even worth getting upset about it. I might as well stick my tongue out at my boss's back, as I … Continue reading I used to make 6.6% above minimum wage, now I make 1.5%.
Sometimes when I’m getting ready for work, I delay going to the bathroom until I get there so I can do it on the clock and waste a couple of minutes before I go to the office. The other morning, I headed to the bathroom, whistling and thinking about ways to avoid my boss and … Continue reading 10% off if you strip in public and blame the store.
At the store, we recently had a theft of nearly two thousand dollars from a drawer in which money is kept to distribute for change. My job is to prepare the money that goes into that drawer every day and count what’s left of it the next morning. Anyway, no one will say what happened. … Continue reading Uhh don’t follow the money.
Lately I think I have the loneliest job in the entire store. Everyone else has at least one peer, whereas I am the only one in my job function. My title is “Administrative Colleague.” I used to be part of the “Administrative Support Team,” but the team dwindled down from five employees to one. No … Continue reading I have no friends at work.
A pathetic self-centered rant. If you’re smart, you’ll stay the hell away. “We’ll get through it, Hetty, we’ll get through it.” Julie hangs her head to the desk and shakes it in the most unconvincing way you’ve ever seen in your life. Well, guess what, Julie, it’s been about nine or ten months and there’s … Continue reading This is not the right way to get through life.
(Hiding inside a rack full of men's coats, I, the administrative assistant of a highly prestigious department store, had just witnessed my boss stuff cash from a register down her shirt.) I remained inside the men’s coat rack until I saw my boss go back up the escalator. Why, what a fiend! She just walked away … Continue reading Escape to the Food Court: May I Please Go to the Bathroom Now? Part 3
Written for Fandango's One Word Challenge, "inexorable." You might want to go away if you don't want to read a job rant. You have been warned. I have never met a security guard who didn’t smoke. I went outside to wait for my ride and the security manager came out shortly after. She leaned against … Continue reading My inexorable, abusive, idiot boss. #FOWC
Previously on Escape to the Food Court: Lunch Time: "CREEEAAAAK! The bed pressed down on my head. Poop! Now what? Either she gets off the bed or I suffocate! My only ray of hope was that her incontinence would strike and she’d have to run, or someone worth avoiding more than finding me came along." … Continue reading Escape to the Food Court: The Plums. Part 2. #SepSceneWriMo
Written for September Scene Writing Month Yes! Lunch time! All day long I had been setting up my desk with papers and other signs of work being done in preparation for this very hour. I had laid out the thickest binders I could find and scattered around some daunting reports, including one I had written … Continue reading Escape to the Food Court: Lunch Time. Part 1. #SepSceneWriMo
While I was on my lunch break in the Burger King drive-thru line to obtain the fake Whopper that would punish me four times in twelve hours, I had an epiphany: I don’t care about my job anymore. But then I had a big question: what am I supposed to care about then? Straight ahead … Continue reading Wannabe writer for hire: will work for 6.6% of nothing.
Based on a true story about a lowly department store administrative assistant…. “EEEEP! EEEEP! EEEEEEP!” Oh no! There must be a fire! My eardrums! I jumped up from my desk. “EEEEP! EEEEP! EEEEEEP!” I have no time to walk around my desk! The shortest way is always a straight line. I climbed up “EEEEP! EEEEP! … Continue reading No exit: well there is an exit, but it’s sealed shut. A retail story.
Based on a true story about a lowly administrative assistant in the office of a large department store... I was sitting at my desk, spreading as many papers and opening as many binders on my desk as I could fit, when a sales associate came in. “We’re out of receipt rolls.” That didn’t sound good. … Continue reading Watch the budget: a little retail story
Loyalty + Low Self Esteem = Low Wage Job. The equation that explains my whole life.
I hate my job and I don't want to be there. I know that doesn't make me unique or special. In fact, I think if I liked going to work there I'd be unique, not the other way around. I watch enviously when someone reaches their limit and walks out. Or when they're put out … Continue reading Should I stay or should I go? Eh like I have any options
I don’t know if anyone noticed in the news, but lately there’s been a rash of announced store closings and lay-offs from a lot of retailers. It’s nothing new this time of year. Gotta clear out that deadwood. With those announcements come veiled threats to the remaining stores that if they don’t shape up, they’re … Continue reading Unlovable and Unshoppable: the plight of working at death row department stores