Howdy! If you’re sick of all the Thanksgiving GIF’s, enjoy a commercial break by reading a rant from a retail worker during one of the most hellish weeks of the year! It’s gonna get ugly.
First, can’t really report any good news on my editing project. During this time of year in retail, pretty much everything that makes you who you are is sucked into a vortex from hell and you have nothing left to give. Your body outside of work is a mere empty shell; it’s like your soul left your body and you barely exist. Even if you have the same amount of time off that you would any other time, somehow it feels like you have none and nothing you do to take care of yourself counts.
I think I had a seizure in my sleep the other night. I got seven hours of sleep, which is pretty rare when I have to go to work. I usually run on four or five hours because I go to sleep so late (I don’t want to go to sleep and have to wake up and go to work). So I should have felt halfway normal (I never feel normal in the morning), but instead I felt like a bus plowed through my brain. There’s no point in telling my neurologist because he didn’t believe me the last time I woke up in the middle of the night feeling like my head was being twisted off. I feel pretty sure of what they are because before I started taking antiseizure medicine, I’d routinely wake up feeling like a mac truck hit me. I was mocked for sleeping twelve or more hours but that doesn’t mean anything when you wake up every hour. The medicine alleviated this so I think it was seizures.
The episode was probably a result of stress and prior sleep deprivation. Plus I was at my neighbor’s and one of the bulbs in her kitchen chandelier was flashing like its life depended on it.
Most of my time at work this time of year is spent training new employees and I am now officially out of patience. You’d be surprised, but people marvel at my patience. They don’t know that inside, I am seething with murderous rage. I just can’t take dealing with these stupid kids anymore. An HR department outside of the store does a lot of our hiring and they don’t even interview people, they just send them job offers and if the new hires even bother showing up, they are lazy, unenthusiastic, ignorant, walking dress-code violations.
I’ve literally asked them point-blank, “Do you even want this job or not?” And they get all indignant but it’s like, dude, you just told me you don’t want to work too long today because it’s your birthday… And then right after I tell you that you’re working, your babysitter magically needs you to come home right away.
I’m also sick and tired of the quiet ones. Some of these kids don’t even speak. They just stare at you. I used to have sympathy because I reasoned, you know what, they’re probably nervous because it’s a new job, and I myself am shy and quiet in unfamiliar situations until I get used to it. But I’m tired of doing all the heavy lifting. I do 99% of the bullshitting and you do 1%. You can’t give me, oh, 5% so I only need to do 95% instead of 99%? I’m totally out of sympathy because I have horrible social anxiety myself, hell, I am afraid to order a pizza over the phone, and yet I can manage to fake being friendly when all I want to do is die inside. And you can’t even answer me when I ask “How are you doing?”
One of my favorite things is when they don’t get paid and blame me, as though I sit there writing out checks all day long. One guy didn’t set up a direct deposit and when that happens, they mail you a paper check. Well, he doesn’t get any of his checks and he tells his manager he’s not coming to work until he gets paid, as though we’re some mom&pop outfit withholding your wages and he’s going to spite us by not coming to work. So even though it’s not remotely my issue (I’m a jackass and I try to help people who don’t deserve it), I go into the system to look at his paystub, and lo and behold, for his street address he put his phone number and listed his city in another state. Gee, ya think maybe that could be part of why you didn’t get paid? So then after not showing up for five days or responding to our calls, we sent him a termination email. The he calls asking if he still works there. Uh… no–you abandoned your job, remember?
Definitely not gettin’ paid now!
And this might only be part one! Because tomorrow is Black Friday and I have to be at that hell-hole at five o’clock in the morning!
And notice I didn’t even mention my boss?? Because I can’t even stomach telling you about how she’s been behaving!
Happy Thanksgiving y’all.