Just some low-key whining.. no energy for heavy stuff. I woke up this morning, soaked in sweat, and I knew something was missing, but I still don’t know what. I don’t even know if what’s missing is a good thing or a bad thing. What I suspect, though, is a missing link, a link that … Continue reading Two weeks in…something’s missing?
A pathetic self-centered rant. If you’re smart, you’ll stay the hell away. “We’ll get through it, Hetty, we’ll get through it.” Julie hangs her head to the desk and shakes it in the most unconvincing way you’ve ever seen in your life. Well, guess what, Julie, it’s been about nine or ten months and there’s … Continue reading This is not the right way to get through life.
People always call themselves “OCD” because they like things neat or wash their hands a lot. That isn’t OCD. Actual obsessive-compulsive disorder is debilitating compulsion to perform rituals beyond any normal behavior. People also forget that OCD includes thoughts—i.e. obsessions. A person can have one or both of them. I don’t really have compulsions, but … Continue reading The most disturbing part of OCD no one ever tells you about.
A couple of weeks ago, I had an ambulatory EEG to determine if my periods of spacing out and losing awareness are epileptic in nature. Out of three possible outcomes—normal, epileptic, or something really bad, the results were option 1: the test was fine. It may sound odd, but that wasn’t really my desired outcome. … Continue reading Test results…and a little challenge to you.
Contact occurred unexpectedly. I had been heading for the originally mapped coordinates. My target was a young man named Jamie Vu. I planned to land shortly after midnight during deep delta-wave sleep before it segued into the REM stage, which would provide cover for me should he awaken during the transfer process. “….so I’m sorry, … Continue reading Jamie Vu
A post by this fellow, Anonymole, got me thinking about experience and the poor use I make of my life. I have never had anything that would qualify, in most people’s books, as “experiences.” I have never traveled more than 75 miles from home. Never camped or drove across the company. No concerts. No bungee … Continue reading What is experience and how can I get some?
“OMG! Look! It has its own little stuffed animal! It’s all ready for bed and it has its own stuffed animal!” I squealed in the middle of Barnes & Noble. Today’s “Saturday Stream of Consciousness" prompt (by Linda G. Hill) is to describe something you own over a hundred of. So what else for me … Continue reading Friends Forever #SOCS
Picture yourself on a nice, sunny day, under a big, shady tree, digging a hole to plant some flowers. You take your little shovel and dig, and you soon find some roots in your way. Over-enthusiastic growth, yes; difficult to remove, yes. But removable with effort. You dig them out, you plant your flowers, and … Continue reading Some twisted roots unearthed among the leaves of an old diary.
Based on a true story about a lowly administrative assistant in the office of a large department store... I was sitting at my desk, spreading as many papers and opening as many binders on my desk as I could fit, when a sales associate came in. “We’re out of receipt rolls.” That didn’t sound good. … Continue reading Watch the budget: a little retail story
My protagonist’s boyfriend has been secretly begging me to allow him to cheat on her. I didn't want things to be this way but unless she shapes up, there may not be a happy ending. I may have to do something we both might not like. What was meant to be a portrait of depression … Continue reading Is it you, or is it me? Struggling with a fictional character.
People seem to be more open lately about invisible pain, sickness, disability, or mental illness. That’s a good thing. It means you don’t have to try to justify your existence as much. Maybe you could even share your problem with someone else (like your ever-so-compassionate boss!) and get a response that doesn't include a dirty … Continue reading The pain in my ass is what makes me a pain in the ass.
Guilt. Ineptitude. Stupidity. Immorality. Shame. Imposture. These aren’t really all that different when you think about it, right? Just the variety of tactics that the one and the same inner critic uses to help us destroy ourselves. Scratch that: “critic” is too nice of a word. “Monster” or “demon” is more like it. Who knows … Continue reading As P!nk aptly put it… Don’t let me get me
To the depressed out there, do you have a trigger flush that sends you swirling down the toilet along with all your shitty thoughts? And when you're swirling around, do you mistake the shit for yourself? I don't know about you, but I really don't want to do that anymore. And if you don't want … Continue reading How to unwaste wasted time?
T.S. Eliot wrote that “April is the cruellest month, breeding / Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing / Memory and desire, stirring / Dull roots with spring rain.” I would submit that spring is the cruelest season. But it doesn't need to be. Farmers plow their fields each spring, while we the depressed plow … Continue reading Plowing through depression while planting gratitude.
I'm one of the last three people on earth who hasn't written a post about the Corona quarantine. I'm not sure there's even anything left to be said—though perhaps what’s left is what we’ve left undone. Like many others, I received an impromptu vacation from my job in the middle of March. I admit I … Continue reading Coronanalysis.