Contact occurred unexpectedly. I had been heading for the originally mapped coordinates. My target was a young man named Jamie Vu. I planned to land shortly after midnight during deep delta-wave sleep before it segued into the REM stage, which would provide cover for me should he awaken during the transfer process. “….so I’m sorry, … Continue reading Jamie Vu
A post by this fellow, Anonymole, got me thinking about experience and the poor use I make of my life. I have never had anything that would qualify, in most people’s books, as “experiences.” I have never traveled more than 75 miles from home. Never camped or drove across the company. No concerts. No bungee … Continue reading What is experience and how can I get some?
“OMG! Look! It has its own little stuffed animal! It’s all ready for bed and it has its own stuffed animal!” I squealed in the middle of Barnes & Noble. Today’s “Saturday Stream of Consciousness" prompt (by Linda G. Hill) is to describe something you own over a hundred of. So what else for me … Continue reading Friends Forever #SOCS
Picture yourself on a nice, sunny day, under a big, shady tree, digging a hole to plant some flowers. You take your little shovel and dig, and you soon find some roots in your way. Over-enthusiastic growth, yes; difficult to remove, yes. But removable with effort. You dig them out, you plant your flowers, and … Continue reading Some twisted roots unearthed among the leaves of an old diary.
Based on a true story about a lowly administrative assistant in the office of a large department store... I was sitting at my desk, spreading as many papers and opening as many binders on my desk as I could fit, when a sales associate came in. “We’re out of receipt rolls.” That didn’t sound good. … Continue reading Watch the budget: a little retail story
My protagonist’s boyfriend has been secretly begging me to allow him to cheat on her. I didn't want things to be this way but unless she shapes up, there may not be a happy ending. I may have to do something we both might not like. What was meant to be a portrait of depression … Continue reading Is it you, or is it me? Struggling with a fictional character.
People seem to be more open lately about invisible pain, sickness, disability, or mental illness. That’s a good thing. It means you don’t have to try to justify your existence as much. Maybe you could even share your problem with someone else (like your ever-so-compassionate boss!) and get a response that doesn't include a dirty … Continue reading The pain in my ass is what makes me a pain in the ass.
Who's the opposite of the inner critic? The inner egomaniac. Locked in an eternal tug-of-war with you in the middle, the critic tries to tear you apart, while the egomaniac tries to shamelessly patch itself up. I can barely look in the mirror when I think of all the times in my life when I … Continue reading Damage control, saving face, and the little egomaniac.
Guilt. Ineptitude. Stupidity. Immorality. Shame. Imposture. These aren’t really all that different when you think about it, right? Just the variety of tactics that the one and the same inner critic uses to help us destroy ourselves. Scratch that: “critic” is too nice of a word. “Monster” or “demon” is more like it. Who knows … Continue reading As P!nk aptly put it… Don’t let me get me
To the depressed out there, do you have a trigger flush that sends you swirling down the toilet along with all your shitty thoughts? And when you're swirling around, do you mistake the shit for yourself? I don't know about you, but I really don't want to do that anymore. And if you don't want … Continue reading How to unwaste wasted time?
T.S. Eliot wrote that “April is the cruellest month, breeding / Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing / Memory and desire, stirring / Dull roots with spring rain.” I would submit that spring is the cruelest season. But it doesn't need to be. Farmers plow their fields each spring, while we the depressed plow … Continue reading Plowing through depression while planting gratitude.
I'm one of the last three people on earth who hasn't written a post about the Corona quarantine. I'm not sure there's even anything left to be said—though perhaps what’s left is what we’ve left undone. Like many others, I received an impromptu vacation from my job in the middle of March. I admit I … Continue reading Coronanalysis.
Do DNA tests, imperfect as they are right now, help us take control of our health, but do they also make us feel out of control of ourselves? This little hypochondriac has unearthed a little nugget of gold. Some time ago, I bought the MyHeritage DNA test, mainly for the ethnicity report. (I don't really … Continue reading The hypochondriac’s rabbit hole: the DNA test
At the height of my recent health hysteria, I realized that I am no way, at all, whatsoever, prepared to deal with a bad outcome. I didn’t even want to pray for help, as though asking God for strength would somehow jinx things or give him the idea to put me through a final trial. … Continue reading hypochondria. part 2. existential dread, suffering, and God.
As a professional hypochondriac, I've come to two conclusions. First, how your problem becomes your identity. And second, how it forces you to look at life. I'll do this in two posts because they're different points. Firstly. This is what people don't understand about hypochondria. The problem is more complicated than just thinking you have … Continue reading hypochondria. part 1. what it is and how it is.