Picture yourself on a nice, sunny day, under a big, shady tree, digging a hole to plant some flowers. You take your little shovel and dig, and you soon find some roots in your way. Over-enthusiastic growth, yes; difficult to remove, yes. But removable with effort. You dig them out, you plant your flowers, and … Continue reading Some twisted roots unearthed among the leaves of an old diary.
Based on a true story about a lowly administrative assistant in the office of a large department store... I was sitting at my desk, spreading as many papers and opening as many binders on my desk as I could fit, when a sales associate came in. “We’re out of receipt rolls.” That didn’t sound good. … Continue reading Watch the budget: a little retail story
My protagonist’s boyfriend has been secretly begging me to allow him to cheat on her. I didn't want things to be this way but unless she shapes up, there may not be a happy ending. I may have to do something we both might not like. What was meant to be a portrait of depression … Continue reading Is it you, or is it me? Struggling with a fictional character.
People seem to be more open lately about invisible pain, sickness, disability, or mental illness. That’s a good thing. It means you don’t have to try to justify your existence as much. Maybe you could even share your problem with someone else (like your ever-so-compassionate boss!) and get a response that doesn't include a dirty … Continue reading The pain in my ass is what makes me a pain in the ass.
Guilt. Ineptitude. Stupidity. Immorality. Shame. Imposture. These aren’t really all that different when you think about it, right? Just the variety of tactics that the one and the same inner critic uses to help us destroy ourselves. Scratch that: “critic” is too nice of a word. “Monster” or “demon” is more like it. Who knows … Continue reading As P!nk aptly put it… Don’t let me get me
To the depressed out there, do you have a trigger flush that sends you swirling down the toilet along with all your shitty thoughts? And when you're swirling around, do you mistake the shit for yourself? I don't know about you, but I really don't want to do that anymore. And if you don't want … Continue reading How to unwaste wasted time?
T.S. Eliot wrote that “April is the cruellest month, breeding / Lilacs out of the dead land, mixing / Memory and desire, stirring / Dull roots with spring rain.” I would submit that spring is the cruelest season. But it doesn't need to be. Farmers plow their fields each spring, while we the depressed plow … Continue reading Plowing through depression while planting gratitude.
I'm one of the last three people on earth who hasn't written a post about the Corona quarantine. I'm not sure there's even anything left to be said—though perhaps what’s left is what we’ve left undone. Like many others, I received an impromptu vacation from my job in the middle of March. I admit I … Continue reading Coronanalysis.
Do DNA tests, imperfect as they are right now, help us take control of our health, but do they also make us feel out of control of ourselves? This little hypochondriac has unearthed a little nugget of gold. Some time ago, I bought the MyHeritage DNA test, mainly for the ethnicity report. (I don't really … Continue reading The hypochondriac’s rabbit hole: the DNA test
For a long time, I've been losing my memory. I can't pinpoint when exactly it started. I do remember that back in graduate school, around eight or nine years ago, it started getting difficult to comprehend things. I'm not sure of the specific reason why, either--there were a lot of factors, physical and mental. In … Continue reading In search of lost knowledge.
At the height of my recent health hysteria, I realized that I am no way, at all, whatsoever, prepared to deal with a bad outcome. I didn’t even want to pray for help, as though asking God for strength would somehow jinx things or give him the idea to put me through a final trial. … Continue reading hypochondria. part 2. existential dread, suffering, and God.
As a professional hypochondriac, I've come to two conclusions. First, how your problem becomes your identity. And second, how it forces you to look at life. I'll do this in two posts because they're different points. Firstly. This is what people don't understand about hypochondria. The problem is more complicated than just thinking you have … Continue reading hypochondria. part 1. what it is and how it is.
It's inevitable in the early life of a new blogger that it happens. The writer's block post, wherein the blogger laments having writer's block. And I shall not do any less. I've discovered that there's a parallel or a link between writer's block and a certain, oft-overlooked stage of therapy in which you haven't quite … Continue reading Obligatory writer’s block post and a related stage of talk therapy
Can I go back in now? When I was a kid, you did something stupid at school and everyone laughed at you, and your face burned red (maybe you even cried in the bathroom); but eventually you went home, and you wanted to die. But come the weekend, it was forgotten, hopefully, by Monday. Eh, … Continue reading To shame or cancel, that is the question