Yes, friends, on this very day the micropimple blog known as “Who the Hell Knows?” turns two years old.
to avoid looking at my actual blog as much as possible so I’m not actually certain whether the title has a “?” or not at the end. Let me know. (Apparently it does have a question mark. I had to look this up myself because no one bothered to read this.)
A blog might not seem like very much to you, but it means a lot to me. I have never had the money or chance to travel, but thanks to WordPress, I have communicated with people all over the world. All you need for such a blessing is a website and an Internet connection. Despite the horrific insanity of the world (the end of which I am eagerly awaiting), I am grateful to live in a time when this is type of communication is possible.
I remember the night, long after everyone else went to bed, when I said “F it” and published my first post. I’ve shared many struggles with you guys through my early struggles with health anxiety hysteria, epilepsy, writer’s block, and all the craziness of my job, not the least of which is caused by my boss.
Who, today incidentally, when we were having cake with a few employees to celebrate someone’s birthday, had everyone go around the room to guess my age.
It wasn’t even MY birthday.
(My birthday is next week.)
Lately I wonder about the wisdom of airing so much dirty laundry to the world. I have a terrible tendency to overshare with people, especially online. I’m not sure where that comes from. I’m like this in relationships too. Jealous and overbearing. I abhor any distance between me and someone else. Except for stuff I want to keep to myself, of course, such as television shows I secretly watch. Sometimes this blog thing feels like a double life and I wonder about the wisdom of that, too.
I have found that fiction is a wonderful outlet for oversharing without really sharing anything. The key is to extract the ugly, embarrassing truth from something real, and then just make something up that expresses it. Those who know, will know. Those who don’t will find something else in the story to amuse themselves with. I have related some of the deepest things about myself not in straightforward blog posts, but in stories.
It is so very gratifying when someone understands. The particular real-life details don’t matter–what matters is the understanding of the truth or the experience. Souls speak their own language to each other.
You who are privy to my solipsism might be surprised how salutary blogging has been for my mental state. You can’t even fathom the content of all the drafts and documents on my computer that have not been published. Some of them linger perilously close in the “drafts” section of posts on WordPress. One slip of the mouse or finger, and they could become public…. Oh, you don’t know how fortunate you are. Feedback from actual human beings has done me wonders.
I probably sound fake and repetitive in my comment section when I say “thank you” but I really do believe that the words “thank you” are the two most important words in the English language. Everything boils down to gratitude. Gratitude can change your life. I can attest to this.
So with that I will say, thank you for your digital friendship.