I deleted the Reddit off my phone.*
There was a bridge too far for me which prompted this, and I wrote out a whole screed as to why I did this, but it was very political. And I hate talking about politics.
When I tell people that, (if they know) they say “But I thought you majored in political science?!” And my answer is:
So I deleted what I wrote and we’ll just leave it there.
I have no meaningful internal dialogue anymore. It’s scary. I have to fill up all my time with music, or YouTube, or scrolling. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately. Maybe it’s the insomnia I’ve been suffering.
Or maybe it stems from my weariness of life at the moment. There’s so much hate everywhere. I see it on the news, online, even at work. Sometimes I want to just lie down and die so I don’t have to breathe this atmosphere anymore. Tired of hate, tired of fear, tired of discord.
(I mean discord as in conflict, not Discord the social media app. My Discord friends don’t talk to me anymore.)
In-between the words you’re reading are many deleted sentences. Because I don’t want to be bothered with justifying myself. I know every response that can be made to any of my statements. There are no original thoughts left in this world, there is no nuance, no middle way, it’s all either/or, no both/and/something else entirely. So why bring things up and invite a debate we both know will change no minds except for the worst?
When I tell you the next tidbit, any reader will see how egregious it is, but only the initiated will truly understand:
My boss’s husband tested positive for Covid. She claims she’s fine. Next she’s calling me to ask if I have a box of tissues. Not just one tissue, a box of tissues. Next day she’s so stuffed up that she sounds like someone’s pinching her nose.
Turns out (as you knew the second I brought this up) that she knew she had Covid but just didn’t want to stay home with her husband. My manager (her [former?] best friend) ripped her a new one about how she can’t have two sets of rules, so she’s staying out this week and next. My boss has publicly criticized, by name, specific workers who aren’t vaccinated and sends people home for even coughing (including me), and then has the nerve to come to work with Covid.
*And later I permanently deleted my account.