Warning: Diary dump.... scroll away as fast as you can. For some reason I can't get the emotional energy up to finish writing the five or six things I started in the past week. A friend dilemma, issues with my parents, life changes, stories... It's too heavy and I can't make the effort. It's the … Continue reading Random crap so I can say I blogged something.
Eleven days into July, not much to show for it, at least not that I remember. Time is like that for me now. If I don’t write things down, I have no memory of them; there are barely even blurry impressions. Once again, I’m in the throes of a sort-of bout of health anxiety. I … Continue reading Doctor, must you belch and remove all doubt of your credibility?
My plan was simple. Record my dreams, increase recall, achieve lucid dreaming. Well, it has been a colossal failure. It worked in the sense that I remember my dreams. It’s just that they’re shitter than ever and all sorts of people I don’t like keep showing their faces and…. bothering me. Oh, I won’t even … Continue reading It was a mistake to even try to remember them.
I was sneaking around a moving neighbor's basement and made a poor attempt at a liminal space photo. This is me: it was early May, seventy degrees out, and I was wearing a winter scarf running down the sidewalk eating a slice of pizza while chasing a stray cat. I spent April cycling through the … Continue reading Odds and ends of the current life of a lazy mofo
Uh oh, I'm on time for work--what did I forget?--Did I brush my teeth? Check. Pants? Check. Well, then I guess I'm good to go. You silly--I was only pretending I forgot how to hold a knife and fork for a second. I need an excuse. I grasp for anything near at hand--yes, there's a … Continue reading I forgot what I was gonna call this but I think it was whatever.
Lately I think I have the loneliest job in the entire store. Everyone else has at least one peer, whereas I am the only one in my job function. My title is “Administrative Colleague.” I used to be part of the “Administrative Support Team,” but the team dwindled down from five employees to one. No … Continue reading I have no friends at work.
Just some low-key whining.. no energy for heavy stuff. I woke up this morning, soaked in sweat, and I knew something was missing, but I still don’t know what. I don’t even know if what’s missing is a good thing or a bad thing. What I suspect, though, is a missing link, a link that … Continue reading Two weeks in…something’s missing?
Written for Fandango's Provocative Question #100 : "How do we make peace with ourselves, knowing that, being the basically good people we are, we also have a side to us which we know isn’t the best — our “dark side”? Can we overcome these parts of our lives that we may not be proud of? … Continue reading Not only do I have a dark side, but there’s no light switch. #FPQ
A pathetic self-centered rant. If you’re smart, you’ll stay the hell away. “We’ll get through it, Hetty, we’ll get through it.” Julie hangs her head to the desk and shakes it in the most unconvincing way you’ve ever seen in your life. Well, guess what, Julie, it’s been about nine or ten months and there’s … Continue reading This is not the right way to get through life.
Written for Fandango's One Word Challenge, "inexorable." You might want to go away if you don't want to read a job rant. You have been warned. I have never met a security guard who didn’t smoke. I went outside to wait for my ride and the security manager came out shortly after. She leaned against … Continue reading My inexorable, abusive, idiot boss. #FOWC
“OMG! Look! It has its own little stuffed animal! It’s all ready for bed and it has its own stuffed animal!” I squealed in the middle of Barnes & Noble. Today’s “Saturday Stream of Consciousness" prompt (by Linda G. Hill) is to describe something you own over a hundred of. So what else for me … Continue reading Friends Forever #SOCS
While I was on my lunch break in the Burger King drive-thru line to obtain the fake Whopper that would punish me four times in twelve hours, I had an epiphany: I don’t care about my job anymore. But then I had a big question: what am I supposed to care about then? Straight ahead … Continue reading Wannabe writer for hire: will work for 6.6% of nothing.
Fandango's One Word Challenge: Despondent Decision that was bad. Extended payment plans. Student financial assistance. Parental shelter needed. Oh my God look at the interest. Number of payments. Defaulted. Emergency room. Never going to own a house or car. Tranquilizers.
This post is in response to Fandango's Provocative Question #82: Do you judge yourself by the same standards that you judge others? If not, are you harsher or more lenient on yourself? Judging is my wheelhouse. Actually, change that to slaughterhouse. Not only do I judge myself more harshly than other people, I beat myself … Continue reading How do I judge me? Let me count the ways. #FPQ
Based on a true story about a lowly department store administrative assistant…. “EEEEP! EEEEP! EEEEEEP!” Oh no! There must be a fire! My eardrums! I jumped up from my desk. “EEEEP! EEEEP! EEEEEEP!” I have no time to walk around my desk! The shortest way is always a straight line. I climbed up “EEEEP! EEEEP! … Continue reading No exit: well there is an exit, but it’s sealed shut. A retail story.
Picture yourself on a nice, sunny day, under a big, shady tree, digging a hole to plant some flowers. You take your little shovel and dig, and you soon find some roots in your way. Over-enthusiastic growth, yes; difficult to remove, yes. But removable with effort. You dig them out, you plant your flowers, and … Continue reading Some twisted roots unearthed among the leaves of an old diary.
My protagonist’s boyfriend has been secretly begging me to allow him to cheat on her. I didn't want things to be this way but unless she shapes up, there may not be a happy ending. I may have to do something we both might not like. What was meant to be a portrait of depression … Continue reading Is it you, or is it me? Struggling with a fictional character.
People seem to be more open lately about invisible pain, sickness, disability, or mental illness. That’s a good thing. It means you don’t have to try to justify your existence as much. Maybe you could even share your problem with someone else (like your ever-so-compassionate boss!) and get a response that doesn't include a dirty … Continue reading The pain in my ass is what makes me a pain in the ass.
Who's the opposite of the inner critic? The inner egomaniac. Locked in an eternal tug-of-war with you in the middle, the critic tries to tear you apart, while the egomaniac tries to shamelessly patch itself up. I can barely look in the mirror when I think of all the times in my life when I … Continue reading Damage control, saving face, and the little egomaniac.
Guilt. Ineptitude. Stupidity. Immorality. Shame. Imposture. These aren’t really all that different when you think about it, right? Just the variety of tactics that the one and the same inner critic uses to help us destroy ourselves. Scratch that: “critic” is too nice of a word. “Monster” or “demon” is more like it. Who knows … Continue reading As P!nk aptly put it… Don’t let me get me