Fine, it was stupid I did that. (And other wedding tidbits)

~ Hetty Eliot

So maybe writing a weepy post at two o’clock in the morning wasn’t the smartest thing in the world to do. But I think someone would be hard-pressed to say that getting married and moving out isn’t an emotional occasion. We’ve moved past it now.

And my parents are annoying the heck out of me today anyway. So go figure.

While I’ve dragged my feet on getting ready to leave, I have taken some positive steps. Maybe you can give me more advice on what you did when you got married or moved out on your own.

This post is gonna contain a lot of wedding preparation stuff, bordering on downright girly. Read at your own discretion.

I have bought all kinds of toiletries to have in my new home. I am extremely particular and insistent about my makeup, bathing, and washing routines. I want to start fresh and then I’ll start picking through my old stuff at home to determine what to keep and what to toss. I will bring only my favorite clothes and maybe get myself a new wardrobe. The personal item situation is not great and I have a lot of work to do. Remember how I said I lived in the same room for over twenty years (yes I did leave the room from time to time)? You tend to accumulate a few things during that time period…

Thank goodness for the in-store pickup at Target. I can just order everything through the app and then minimize social interaction when I go to pick it up. I also hate those damn fluorescent lights. Anyway, I’m building up supplies, and I even bought a little shelving unit to put in the bathroom. It came from Wayfair in two days and I put it together by myself.

I have to say, it’s nice getting to decorate the way I want. I picked out those shelves myself without worrying about my mother’s approval. I picked out my own bookcase without worrying about my mother’s approval. I bought potpourri because it had cute dried grapefruit pieces in it (I don’t even like grapefruit) and I didn’t worry about my mother’s approval.

Seriously, guys. You don’t know how bad I’ve had it, constantly making every decision based on what someone else will say. While I’m a pretty headstrong person, I put way too much credence in the approval of other people. I live in constant tension between what I want and what I think other people want.

Other people almost always win. Especially the ones in my head.

(In case you guys are wondering about my fiancé’s approval, he’s not the type of guy to notice if there’s even a bookcase there or not.)

My transportation situation is moderately dire. I plan to take the bus to work. I am going to live literally thirty seconds from the mall and it would be a no-brainer to walk–if there were sidewalks and not miles of driveway and parking lots. But except for the convenience of living near my job, though, I’m going to be pretty much trapped until I figure something else out. Before y’all jump on me to start driving, I have a license and I do not drive because I have epilepsy and am too afraid to. You don’t conquer your fears at other people’s expense. It’s one thing to overcome your fear of baking–you throw out your mistake and move on. A car accident is a whole ‘nother ballgame.

I think I’ve done a decent job keeping the wedding thing to a minimum and not going crazy. I’m not the Bridezilla type except in reverse–I get really agitated when other people start pushing dramatic plans. I like to be low-key and not have a lot of disruption to my life. I just want to have a nice solemn wedding ceremony in the church with our parents and siblings and a luncheon (which we still don’t know if it’s going to happen or not) afterwards. In April there will be a big reception.

All I have left to do is pick up the flowers and make small party favors which will be bud vases with a rose or two at the restaurant which they can take home, along with the de rigueur Jordan almonds. I am getting flowers from the grocery store florist because the regular florist was charging almost nine hundred dollars. People are going to take pictures on their phones and I will collect the best ones. The actual photographer cost three hundred dollars an hour for a minimum of three hours. I’m going to be home by then. Hard pass on that. Lastly, I am not having a wedding cake at the restaurant because I hate wedding cake. I want an ice cream cake. People can order something else off the menu if they’d prefer.

I’m getting my hair blown out the day before and that’s it. My dress is pretty nice, not gonna lie. It’s not white but a sort of soft mocha/pink color with intricate beading and flower appliques. There is no such thing these days as a modest wedding gown fit for a Catholic church so I didn’t expend much energy looking for the stereotypical dress.

This is a screen clipping from the website where I bought it from:

Otherwise, everyone is wearing what they want. No one is going to match. I hate that whole bridal party look with one skinny bridesmaid and one fat bridesmaid and five medium-sized bridesmaids all squeezed into the same stupid thing. I don’t even have a bridal party besides our two witnesses because it’s just immediate family.

Wedding rehearsal is Friday. This will be interesting because our wedding is going to be in the traditional Latin rite (Everything is conducted in Latin and differs from the modern one that you may be used to if you’ve been in a Catholic church.) The nuptial ceremony is probably different from what you may expect because the vows take place first, and then you have Mass. The type of Mass we’re having is called a Low Mass and is mostly silent. There is no singing or responses. I’m not used to Low Mass and without anyone to watch and copy (our family either is not Catholic or doesn’t do the traditional form), I might be a little lost. I do not know yet if the vows will be in English or Latin; I’m pretty sure they’re in English. (FYI I attend Mass in the traditional form so it’s not that I’m choosing this ceremony just for the novelty.)

Lastly–the weather forecast has improved, but two zits have moved in and signed a lease.

48 thoughts on “Fine, it was stupid I did that. (And other wedding tidbits)”

  1. First, no you are not stupid. I find everything is worse in the night. Your dress is lovely. I was a mess before I was married. We got married on a train with 300 strangers. and close family. We had dinner in a nice eatery. I had an icecream cake. I made my bouquet from flowers in my garden. I ordered a toss bouquet from Amazon. I was a runaway bride 2 x before I met my husband. We actually had on our invitations, the bride might jump. I was very calm on our wedding morning. When I left home, I had a tiny person I was carrying.

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    1. I don’t like recliners anyway, it gets me really irritable when I see someone else settle into one. We have two apartment sofas (basically large love seats), one for each of us.

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    1. I’m definitely going to need an adjustment period. Like, he wants to go to sleep at 9pm and I go to bed at 2am. That’s a five hour difference lol. He works earlier than I do so I think he’ll win that compromise. Stay away from me in the morning before coffee though.

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      1. Lol… but that might be good for you, a better routine when you get settled into it. Might be very good for you. Okay all the best for Saturday. Ps gotta a new youtube video on affirmations up today.

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  5. That dress is really gorgeous, and the zits are just friends who stopped by to keep the day real. You have a wonderful day and enjoy yourself. DO NOT WORRY. Yes I’m shouting here. Hope we get some pictures 🥹

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  7. The most sane sounding wedding I’ve heard about in long time! Best wishes!

    PS: Driving is overrated. Not only are you hauling one or two tons around with you everywhere you go, you’re risking everyone’s life around you as you do so. I drive minimally, as a necessity sometimes, but the rest of the time, I enjoy being human and walking around. I’m cheating, though. I live downtown and almost everything I need is within reasonable walking distance, either from our building or from a streetcar stop. (Plus I’m retired.)

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    1. There are bus lines where I live but they generally don’t lead anywhere you’d wanna go after dark lol. To get somewhere in a timely manner there’s no choice but to have a car. Or people to bum rides from.

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      1. At this point in my life, I don’t think I could totally do without a car. I think eliminating it for the day-to-day stuff is a good compromise only, with a fairly limited downtown, like Kansas City is.

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        1. I’m really late to replying to this comment (sorry). It makes sense, to me, to at least have a car in case you need it. I don’t think I can have a car–I’d have a stoke if it got dented or messed up or worse. Catalytic converters are getting stolen left and right where I live and I think I’d have to be hospitalized if I started my car and it went BOOM.

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          1. Glad to see you back! About cars, it’s a shame what a huge percentage of our income goes to the care and feeding of them. Something not exactly right with the world we made.

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  11. I hear you on the driving. No one wants to be behind the wheel and get disengaged by a medical condition. Someday I’ll tell the story of being about 6 and the blue old man in the median. Get married. Have a blast. Worryin’ about shit is a waste of time. Be in the moment or it’ll get away from you.

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    1. Medical issue aside, I’m a terrible driver anyway and it’s best for everyone that I’m not on the road. I can’t say I did no worrying but the day was great, stopped worrying as soon as I got there!

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  12. Pingback: The Blogging Rules That I’ve Stopped Caring About (And The Ones I Still Use) | Your Friendly Malaysian Writer

    1. Thank you so much! I’m quite well actually. In fact I’m gonna post soon, nothing earthshattering but I need to get back in the game. I’ve got to make sure I’m subscribed to you, I haven’t seen anything–when did you last post? (I still lurk around WordPress even though I’m quiet).

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      1. Hi! 👋 Happy to hear that all is well. I’m sure you were subscribed to The Wild Pomegranate Tree, but it’s not showing now. To borrow from your blog name, who the hell knows with WordPress? Anything can happen. I’m posting primary at: https://54portions.wordpress.com/

        You will find my newest posts there…I’ve been posting regularly. It’s really nice to reconnect with you and know that you’re okay. 😊

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        1. Whoa it looks like I’m not subscribed–maybe something happened when you changed the name? Because I was definitely subscribed to the Wild Pomegranate Tree. Well I’ve followed now and will check out your posts. Thanks for bringing that to my attention!

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  14. After everything that you’ve described here, I’m grateful that you had a blast and that things are working out for you. The quick commute to work does sound like a bonus indeed. 30 seconds would sound like a dream to me. I’m jealous.

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    1. Thanks, Stuart. I hate long rides to work because it means more time to stew and panic! I used to commute to go to school in a big city and the train ride got very depressing after a while.

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