Christmas as told in Santa letters

My store has a mailbox that people drop letters to Santa in. I empty it when hopefully no children are around to see.

(Even though Gen Z is probably more jaded than I am, sad to say.)

The letters run the whole gamut of human experience, everything from wishes for one’s departed mother to laundry lists of Apple products to peepee diagrams.

I found this one today that I thought was pretty good. (I hope opening Santa’s mail isn’t a felony?)

Yo Santa wassup, me and my amigos be sending you letters every year, but this year we want all the sick children to feel better, fo sho. On our behalf we also want several bands in our wallet (money). PS we want a pet elf. Thanks Santa we still believe in you. PPS can we borrow yo whip (sleigh)? We wanna go all around the world visiting the sick children. Gracias! From Brett, Camila, and PJ

Anyways, Merry Christmas, y’all… This month is a kinda (figuratively) poopy end to the year but gotta stay hopeful. God bless.

41 thoughts on “Christmas as told in Santa letters

  1. As a kid, Santa meant something strange, which has to be captured, and experimented upon.

    That’s probably why I never got the Christmas gifts. Jokes aside, I’m one of those jaded kids who never believed in this, despite wanting to.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I remember when I was at a friend’s house and as it was getting close to Christmas, his little brother asked their mom if Santa was real or not. I always admired her reply: “No, but it’s fun to pretend he is.” Even the most cynical among us could only say, yeah, that applies to just about everything.
    Hope you’re having a great day, despite the whole retail thing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I figured it out when my parents gave me this big stuffed golden retriever in the box it came from and the postage was addressed to my parents from whatever store it came from. I was upset needless to say if you know anything about me from my blog.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh no. I can imagine. As a parent I thought about things like that–how much should we protect our children, and in doing so, are we really doing them any good? Maybe the people who wrote all those ghastly, macabre children’s fairy tales knew what they were doing.

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Oops I didn’t mean to imply that! But you got me to thinking how hard it is to decide what’s best for our kids sometimes.
            Toy drives are good! We participated, spent too much money, like doting grandparents.

            Like

  3. Can we borrow your whip? WTH?
    No wonder there are 1000’s of languages around the planet. Separate a band of folks for a few generations and voila — new dialect, new nomenclature, new language. Have you ever heard someone speak Welsh? “Would you take the marbles out of your mouth when you speak, please?”

    There needs to be a post holiday set of music we switch to. Slammin’ shut all the xmas albums tomorrow… We need the musical equivalent of methadone, wean us off this merry, joyous, cheerful drivel. Suggestions?

    Liked by 2 people

    1. My fiancΓ© is a teacher in an urban high school so you can well imagine the types of new words he learns every day (many of them applied to him).

      The music thing always feels weird. We go through all this build-up and we walk in the day after Christmas and it’s back to the crap that was playing before. I like your idea of post-holiday music. Maybe someone needs to invent the genre.

      Like

      1. Nothing piped in or “curated” is worth a shit. I received 90 days of Sirius/XM and it’s the equivalent of PC cable TV in your car. The DJs are leftovers, the music is the all the A side singles and already radio weary reruns. The “star” channels are hack, has been music magazine writers who smoked a joint in the same stadium with Tom Petty… It’s as hard to find music that’s inventive, or melodic, or both as it is to find an Indie book that’s worth the time. I’m certain the gems are out there but the machine has made them “virtually” impossible to find. I say interlace some Kraftwerk, T-Dream with Gash, any post punk that didn’t have a proper producer and Krautrock sonic insanity. Like acid, only it stops when you turn it off.

        Liked by 1 person

        1. That does feel off yet when it feels so abrupt when it stops at midnight. We don’t really listen to radio in the car anymore because we pay for that piece of crap Sirius and by gum we’re going to get our money’s worth. I do listen to the radio at home though. In fact I just got a new radio for Christmas (it was a cute retro-looking one I couldn’t say no to even though I don’t need another radio).

          Like

        2. That is somehow tragic and sad. Once I went to Hawaii for two weeks, had a great time, as you will, and on the flight back to San Francisco there was Hawaiian music on the PA. It was actually not a little depressing.

          Liked by 1 person

    2. How about merciful silence? I still don’t understand why we must submit ourselves to this wall of sound every time we walk into a store. Or–compromise–instrumentals, no vocals, volume set to somewhere between indistinct and barely audible.

      Liked by 2 people

      1. I think that music can make people linger and shop more, especially if they get nostalgic. The problem is that whoever creates the playlists is more concerned with being politically correct than knowing who the customer base is. If the demographic skews older, why play top-40 crap?

        Liked by 1 person

          1. Exactly. Way back in the day my store used to do an American icon theme around the Fourth of July and they’d play all kinds of classic songs going back to the fifties. I loved it. Then it became immoral to be positive about America so that campaign was ditched and it’s all hookup culture music now.

            Liked by 1 person

  4. Lol, these kids are so thug and adorable at the same time, fo show. They care more about the world than me, and I hope they continue keeping the hope alive. This could be a great series, which means I hope you kept more of these letters!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. PeePee diagrams? What are these kids learning in art school? LOL, it sounds like there are a few perks to your job. Getting to read Santa Letters is like peeking into their heads and seeing what the head elves are up to. Scary, isn’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Some of it is indeed very scary (or just downright dirty). Other times people write what’s going on in their life or what’s bothering them and sometimes it’s actually quite heartbreaking. Or you’re inspired at the selfless wishes many people have.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I think I would take the whole experience in as a crystal ball into the minds of the local population. The dirty stuff is clearly intended to shock and dismay, which to me is disingenuous, but to those expressing genuine thoughts and emotions, they are opening up and allowing a glimpse into their lives. I would learn something from that and appreciate it.

        Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply to Stine Writing and Miniatures Cancel reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s