I generally don’t talk about my family or loved ones out of respect for them because they don’t know about this blog or aren’t allowed to read it if they do. So I’ll be as vague as I can, though I must add some details.
I know estrangements happen in every family. My sister and my mother don’t always get along and over time it has only gotten worse. They’re both right and both wrong on various points. I would not characterize the relationship as a full-blown estrangement, but I fear there is potential for this.
Besides the pain of witnessing discord between ones who ought to love each other, I hate being caught in the middle. Depending on how you look at it, I’m either a peacemaker or a double-agent. My sister will blitz-text me rants about how pissed she is at our mother. I try to say “Weeellll you know how she is,” and tell her to take a deep breath and calm down. When I get home, I usually let loose with both barrels on my mother to stop. Then she’ll show me the texts from my sister.
The reason I give my mother the worst of it, even when my sister is dead wrong, is that I am afraid my sister will pull the whole “You’re never seeing your grandkid” stunt. I just try desperately to keep the peace so as to prevent this.
I know these things happen in families all the time. Yet it’s rarely spoken of, and when it is, it’s usually by an anonymous letter-writer to an advice column.
I’m not sure that I should have said as much as I have in this post, though I don’t think anyone would disagree with my description of the matter. I’m just really bummed about it and had so much agita this past week, resulting in a days-long stomachache and twitching eyelid.
Blessed are the peacemakers.
I try to take an attitude that we can’t help how people are so the best way to stay sane is to simply realize it’s no reflection on yourself (as long as you’ve tried to do the right thing), shrug, and chalk it up to their just being the way they are. But it’s easier when it’s directed at you because you can control your own reactions. When you’re caught in between other people, you have no control over them and can only try to reason, soothe, beg, or threaten. And pray for some sort of enlightenment to come upon them.
Any other poor soul out there suffering in this way?