Love hurts, that’s what everyone says. And it’s true, love and loss never seem to be otherwise than intertwined. Even the most beautiful beginnings contain the seeds of loss.
Hold on to beautiful moments, hold them in your mind like precious photographs that you have no other copy or negative of.
Don’t feel too bad because the moment is gone–I know I always did, I never could cope with things ending. But as I’ve gotten older, I’ve changed my mindset. I used to think that a bad end of something, whether it be an event or a friendship, invalidated the experience and sullied the memory of it. But I’ve realized now there’s truth in the Pinterest cliche “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.” Even if things go sour–no one knew at the time. No matter how I feel like the future has already happened, that it’s all been written and all that’s left to me is to read it–it really hasn’t.
Believing it was already written only leads to bitterness when it’s over. You read backwards for the signs and foreshadows. Maybe trouble was foreshadowed, but as long as we did nothing wrong, why blame ourselves? And if we did do wrong, well, we know better now. We learned the hard way like we always have to. At least, I do. And everything and everyone plays a certain role in our lives, even if it all goes south later. They played their role, they changed us, maybe we changed them, write “the end” and move on.
But when people talk about how “love hurts,” they usually mean the failure to make a relationship work. But that’s not the extent of pain nor the end of it, by any means. No, in life there’s always more if you want it, or if you don’t. In fact, it’ll be worse when you get what you want. Look out–answered prayers–trouble ahead!
When you feel another’s sorrow, loss, or mortification, not merely as strongly as you would feel your own, but truly feel that it IS your own, then real love is there. There’s no “as”–only “is.” It’s not a matter of sympathy, nor empathy; it is personally yours no less than theirs.
How I wish I were one of those kind, sweet women who see the best in everyone, who aren’t shrewish or self-centered or just plain crazy. What I’ve learned, I’ve learned because I was taught by one who is naturally better and understands these things instinctually through many trials and difficulties. Only in retrospect do I see the things I shamefully didn’t see then. In moments of stomach-wrenching loss that belongs to me because it belongs to them does any real understanding emerge. All the crap burns away and in that moment I know there is no distance between us. There is no question of not sticking around in a difficulty, because how can you go away without yourself?
I’d rather be the sad one than watch your sad face and be able to do nothing about it. There was a time when I was struggling and could only contain so much misery within myself before I spread it around me generously, and my mother told me that you can only be as happy as your saddest child. I don’t have children (yet? and in either case it will entail sadness of one degree or another), but I can understand the inability to be happy as long as a loved one is unhappy. As bad as I am, I won’t ever resent it and haven’t. And if your misery is mine, if it’s my loss as well as yours, what can we do but sit and bitch and moan, eat Doritos, and laugh because, yup, it happened to us yet again?