Happy New Year and a fond farewell to 2020.

I figured that since I only managed one post this month, I ought to at least try to squeeze one out at the last minute so I can say I wrote two. I started this blog last January to begin something new in my life at a time when I was completely hopeless. I dug up my diaries today and read some of them, and they were filled with meanderings of depression, hopelessness, and fear. A year later, things are so different.

On January 1st, 2020, I wrote that I feared the year would be the worst of my life. At that time I was in the middle of a health scare and was undergoing many tests. I worried that my diary would be a chronicle of tragedy. But thankfully none of it came to pass.

I started this blog mainly to write for myself. So I guess I’ll finish up this year the same way I began it, gazing deep into my navel.

All in all, unlike many people, I can’t say 2020 was horrible for me. Actually, it was pretty good.

I never intended my blog to be anything popular or to be known. I don’t even want that because of the pressure to be consistent and interesting. But I did succeed in my two goals, which were making the leap to put stuff out there for eyes other than my own to read, and making connections with people. I’ve talked to so many other bloggers and made some friends, too, even from other parts of the world. I’ve made actual progress in my life because of help from people I’ve met.

The brightest highlight was a three-month furlough from my job. With no exaggeration I can say that that was the happiest I’d been in at least ten years. Three months to forget about my workplace and remember who I had really wanted to be. Three months to pretend I was living the life I had wanted all along. Three months to not have to see my boss or hear her voice. I can’t stress enough how great it was to be away from that place. Work was only a bad dream or a past life.

There is always room for improvement. I could have worked harder at writing, no doubt about that. I should have dedicated daily hard work to it. On the health front, I did poorly. In the last four months, I think I’ve eaten only two or three vegetables. I didn’t need to subsist on candy, ice cream, and Cheetos. We won’t discuss exercise. And last but not least, because there were no public Masses for a couple of months, my religious life sadly took a dive. But as with everything else, it was my fault for not keeping up, although at least I am one of the many volunteers who help keep the church open 24/7, which kept me afloat.

I could have done better with my attitude at work. My boss even spoke to me a few times about it. “You’re not the same person you were before we closed.” No, the person before we closed had not tasted freedom away from you yet. What I will say though is that I have undergone quite an attitude adjustment these last few weeks by working on positive thoughts. I actually looked forward to working near Christmas. Hopefully our store will still be open for them to enjoy this new development.

All of the failures are quite fixable. They don’t require epic rearranging of my life, just putting in a little more effort. Such as not staying up until 2:30 in the morning on Reddit or YouTube. No more Googling. Eating a vegetable. I don’t remember the last time I looked forward to starting a new year for reasons other than wanting the current one to end. But I am this time. I have lots of hope and plans for progress.

I do feel bad that I have nothing to really complain about for 2020, while the globe was burning down from riots and elections and pandemics. Other people lost their jobs, businesses, loved ones, and even their own lives, and here I was, eating Doritos and collecting unemployment. But I do have the decency to feel guilt about my own personal, fortunate state in life, and the worst thing would be ingratitude, because you cannot help someone else by wasting your own life in a twisted sense of solidarity. All we can do is honor the life we’ve been given because it’s an insult to those who lack to throw away what we have. God-willing, I’ll have the decency to seek opportunities to lift up other people. What we’ve been given isn’t really worth anything unless we share it.

Thank you to those whom I have met and communicated with on WordPress. 2020 was far from the worst year of my life all because of you.  

(And not seeing my boss for three months.)


sea crab
My original gravatar.

28 thoughts on “Happy New Year and a fond farewell to 2020.

  1. I’m pretty sure that’s a spider crab. I hear they’re delicious.

    Aside from my heart attack, I can’t complain about 2020 either. Financially, this year will have been my most profitable — ever.

    I’m reminded of Chitty-Chitty Bang-Bang, “up from the ashes, grow the roses of success.”

    Luck in 2021, Hindsight really is 2020, now.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, that’ll be the question, won’t it? Mortality, always beyond my fingertips, is now resting in my open palm. I regard it with both loathing and curiosity.
        I’m pleased to read of your uplifted countenance. May it continue to rise.

        Liked by 1 person

  2. You have the authenticity and introspection skills down. Many writers don’t. Like I’ve said before, build upon them. Dig deeper. You might find both therapeutic and literary growth in the effort. Frued once had a student who moaned, to get a doctorate in psychology would take seven years and then she would be thirty-three years old. I’ll be too old, she said. Frued responded, if you don’t get your doctorate, how old will you be in seven years? Duke

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Hi Duke. Thank you for your support. I think every person has a universe inside them, it’s just a matter of making the journey inward. Think of the people who search all over the place for material satisfaction and there are riches right inside of them all along.
      The life timeline thing can be painful to think about, but I cannot argue with Freud on that advice.

      Happy New Year and best wishes for success with all your projects.

      Like

  3. One question, and this is very important. How are things within your navel? 😂

    Your boss is sending me. Set aside this novel that you’re writing at the moment and dissect her in a novella. Then pitch it as a script for a short drama series. Surely as a character she is the stuff of legend.

    Happy 2021. ♥️ Best wishes for your health and safety.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey Sabiscuit. My boss truly is a legend. It would however take great skill and dexterity to portray her convincingly in a drama, as opposed to a comedy, complete with laugh-track. But I think of all people, I am up to the challenge.
      Thank you and best wishes to you as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. I hope I’m one of those good people you’ve met on WP! 😀

    Glad to know that you’re doing better than you thought you would, and let’s hope this trend continues on into 2021. Great way to squeeze in another story before the year ended. Happy new year and see you around in 2021!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. “…try to squeeze one out.” HA! I often feel that way about blog posts and have read even more that fall in that bowl. It’s good to read your position on blogging. I don’t friend farm or care much who reads them. It’s a venue for me to get ideas and exercises out. Your boss is missing subservient “I’m not worthy” headcase you and that’s a good. All part of the door closing door opening thing. Sometimes it seems to take forever, huh?

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hey Phil. Yes certain things like not letting our boss crush us to death can take time. However, to keep things in perspective, she is hobbling around on a torn meniscus and fractured knee, so she’s a little distracted.

      I always enjoy reading your stuff. Best wishes for your work in 2021.

      Like

  6. A lovely reflection Hetty, full of hope and profound too. Yes it is true we should our life fully, then we can give.

    I love this bit of your post…” .. But I do have the decency to feel guilt about my own personal, fortunate state in life, and the worst thing would be ingratitude, because you cannot help someone else by wasting your own life in a twisted sense of solidarity. All we can do is honor the life we’ve been given because it’s an insult to those who lack to throw away what we have. God-willing, I’ll have the decency to seek opportunities to lift up other people. What we’ve been given isn’t really worth anything unless we share it……” really profound and struck my heart . We really must honour our life, what we have been given, and be thankful for what we have and give to the world. So noble.

    I was meditating before reading your post and the words came into my mind ” to yourself be true. ”

    I understand about blogging my first two months of blogging i only did 4 posts a month wanting not to be noticed, not sure i would keep it going this is back in 2016. Then I went all out and got involved, and man blogging is hard work! But it is so rewarding to. It is upto us how much we do or don’t do. I can’t tell you how many times I have wanted to quit blogging and sometimes I wonder what am I doing.

    The community at wordpress.com is wonderful and I learn so much, I would never have learnt if it wasn’t for blogging. And I wouldn’t have met so many great people from around the world, all ages, all topics.

    Blogging is great but we just have to set our pace. And it is inspiring and motivating too. I have definitely grown because of it.

    I wish you a healthy, happy, and success 2021, the success being your definition of success. You are a great soul, spirit and you will do wonders.

    🤗😊🥰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much. Yes, we can’t go wrong when we are true to ourselves, especially when we work on ourselves to be better–remember your recent post about the “yardstick”? All we can do is keep going forward, keep getting better, keep working harder. I hope to keep up this attitude when the “Happy New Year” stuff isn’t a novelty anymore. I can see how much you’ve done with your blog and it’s very impressive how much work you put in every day, and you reach a lot of people. I wish continued success for you as well.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. Hetty, I am looking forward to reading what you post on your blog in 2021. Even if it is a quote, a thought, a epiphany, a prayer, a bit of fiction, an affirmation, gratitude. Experience from church. A potential paragraph from your book. Why, because Hetty you are a great writer, you have a great way with words, and you describe things so well. And I know I can learn something from your writing style. Take it light and easy and please write more I am waiting to read, no pressure intended, I am hoping this is inspiring.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much! Yes your words are very inspiring, and too kind. I always put way too much pressure on myself and worry about what other people think instead of letting my brain go wherever it wants to go. Hopefully 2021 brings more creativity and hard work! And I always appreciate your words.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m glad it was good for you. I know it was so hard for many ppl and my heart goes out to them, but we’ve got to acknowledge our own blessings. Thank you so much for stopping by!

      Like

  8. Might be a bit late to this post, but I just wanted to say thank you for your openness. This emanated type of hope I think mostly lost to this strange year.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hi! No one is ever too late for my party! It was a strange year no doubt, and 2021 is not looking better. I believe that two things can be true at the same time. 1. Our hearts can go out to the suffering and recognize what’s going wrong. 2. We have to live our own lives and count our own blessings.

      Thanks so much for stopping by!

      Like

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